Healing Through Traumatic Bereavement
Grief is a natural, albeit painful, process that follows the loss of someone we love. But when the circumstances of that loss are sudden, violent, or deeply distressing, the grief journey becomes more complex. This experience, known as traumatic bereavement, can leave individuals grappling with both the trauma of how the person died and the pain of their absence.
As a therapist, I have walked alongside clients as they navigate the overwhelming emotions and unique challenges of traumatic bereavement. But this topic is deeply personal to me as well. Six years ago, I lost my sister suddenly. The grief and trauma of her loss were life-altering, and I engaged in therapy myself to process the overwhelming emotions and find a way forward.
Here, I want to share insights into what this journey entails, common struggles, and ways to foster healing.
What Makes Traumatic Bereavement Different?
Traumatic bereavement occurs when a loss is coupled with trauma, such as accidents, suicide, homicide, or sudden illness. Unlike typical grief, which often ebbs and flows, traumatic bereavement may feel relentless, with memories of the loss intertwined with intrusive images, flashbacks, or nightmares.
Individuals experiencing traumatic bereavement often struggle with:
Unresolved questions: “Why did this happen?” or “Could I have prevented it?”
Intense guilt: Survivors may blame themselves for the death or feel guilt about their own survival.
Trauma symptoms: These can include hypervigilance, avoidance, or feeling emotionally numb.
Complicated grief: A prolonged, intense grief that feels impossible to move through.
The Dual Process of Grieving and Healing
In traumatic bereavement, there are two key aspects to address: processing the trauma and mourning the loss. Both are crucial, but they don’t always happen at the same time or in a linear fashion.
1. Processing the Trauma
To heal, it’s vital to address the traumatic circumstances of the death. Trauma work might involve:
Psychoeducation: Learning about trauma responses to understand the brain's reaction to distress.
Grounding techniques: These help manage overwhelming feelings in the moment.
Trauma-focused therapy: Approaches like Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) or somatic therapies can be instrumental in reducing trauma symptoms.
For me, processing the trauma of my sister’s sudden loss meant confronting painful memories and learning to navigate the fear and helplessness that arose every time I thought about how she died. Therapy gave me the tools to feel safe again in my body and my life.
2. Mourning the Loss
Grieving the loss itself is a separate, yet deeply connected, process. It involves making space for feelings of sadness, anger, or despair while learning to live with the absence of the loved one.
I’ve learned that grief doesn’t go away—it evolves. My relationship with my sister has shifted over time; her absence is still felt, but so is her love, her laughter, and the joy she brought into my life.
Common Myths About Traumatic Bereavement
There are misconceptions about grief and trauma that can hinder healing. Let’s address a few:
Myth 1: “Time heals all wounds.”
Time alone doesn’t heal trauma or grief—it’s what you do with that time. Healing requires active processing, support, and self-compassion.
Myth 2: “You need to get over it.”
Traumatic bereavement isn’t something to “get over.” The goal isn’t to forget but to find a way to integrate the loss into your life without being consumed by it.
Myth 3: “You should grieve in a certain way.”
Everyone’s grief is unique. There’s no right or wrong way to mourn, and comparisons to others’ experiences are unhelpful.
How to Support Yourself or a Loved One
If you or someone you care about is dealing with traumatic bereavement, here are some ways to foster healing:
Seek Professional Help: Therapists trained in trauma and grief can provide invaluable support.
Build a Support System: Share your feelings with trusted friends or join a support group for those who have experienced similar losses.
Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that your feelings are valid. Avoid judging your grief process.
Engage in Rituals: Creating meaningful ways to honor your loved one can help with processing the loss.
Focus on the Present: While reflection is important, grounding exercises can help manage overwhelming emotions and bring you back to the present moment.
Finding Hope Amid the Pain
Though it may feel impossible now, healing from traumatic bereavement is achievable. It doesn’t mean forgetting the loved one or erasing the pain—it means learning to live a life that honors their memory while reclaiming your own.
Therapy taught me that grief and trauma could coexist with joy, love, and meaning. It’s not about “moving on” but about moving forward—with my sister’s memory as a part of me, always.
If you or someone you know is struggling with traumatic bereavement, please know that you are not alone. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness—it’s an act of courage and a step toward healing.
About the Author:
As a trauma-informed therapist, I specialize in helping individuals process grief and trauma. Having experienced my own journey of healing after the sudden loss of my sister, I understand the profound pain of traumatic bereavement and the resilience required to rebuild your life. I’m honored to guide clients through their healing journeys.
